Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am one with the molecules
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
