did you get engaged???
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
