I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
