Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
