Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
