You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
