I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize