I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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