It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
