he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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