Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
