I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
