I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
