i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
