I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
