Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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