Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
