I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
