you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
