You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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