So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
