I want to have your abortion
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
