Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
