so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize