I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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