this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
