I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
