Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
