Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
