i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
