alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How's work?
Spinning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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