If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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