I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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