I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
