first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
