Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
