I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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