tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You made out with two different species that night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
