I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The power of my boobs compel you
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
