you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
