he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
