You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
