I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
