seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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