Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
