I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
