I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize