Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
