South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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