Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
