Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
