Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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