All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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