You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
