Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize