your thong is hanging out like whoa
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
