He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
