I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
