You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
