I can tuck mytits in my pants
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
