He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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