i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
