There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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