I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize