I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
