Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize