There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize