Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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