I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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