so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
