Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
