peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
