well you can't waste a boner
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
