Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
did you just send me my own nude
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
