We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
