no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
