I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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