No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize