I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
