I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
