Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
