i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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