Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
