Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
