i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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