Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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