Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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