you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
