Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize