If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
