it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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