hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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