all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
