I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
