i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
