I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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